In the wee small hours…

Wow…I hadn’t realized it has been almost a month since I last posted.  We have been really busy and a little harried and quite happy and definitely looking for and finding our big and itty bitty things to be so thankful for every day.  We’ve recently passed Vallyn’s Inside/Out Day – where she had been out of my body for as many days as she was inside – and I can’t believe it’s already been that long!

                                         

That photo was from Inside/Out Day.  And yesterday we had our first “Vallyn-tines” Day with our sweet girl. 

                                        

But now it is the middle of the night.  And I am wide awake.  So here I sit and type.  Because my sweet angel has taken to squawking in her sleep a bit lately.  Sometimes she goes back to sleep quickly and sometimes she needs a snuggle or two or more. 

Tonight wasn’t a mere snuggle night but a (very necessary!) moonlight diaper change as well.  She was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and full of smiles for me by the time we were done.  I picked her up and put her over my shoulder to ease her back to sleep.  Instead, she saw her walls.  By the soft glow of her pink flower light, her wide eyes were staring at … her tree. 

                           

I made that for her when I was pregnant.  I had had to quit my pre-pregnancy job because of my severe ‘morning’ (ALL DAY!) sickness.  By the time I was (kind of) feeling well enough to look for another job, we received Vallyn’s diagnosis.  I was left with a lot of time on my hands to ‘process’.  We had suddenly become immersed in the ‘medical’ side of my pregnancy.  We had so many doctors appointments and ultrasounds.  I just wanted to do something normal – to do something any parent would to to prepare for their little one to arrive. 

So we registered for all the typical baby stuff and picked out paint colors and this idea began to form in the back of my head.  I wanted Vallyn to have the coolest, most unique, most beautiful, most special room ever.  My brother Wade, who is an amazing artist, painted the trunk and branches of the tree.  My lovely and fabulous friend Tressa loaned me her super fancy paper cutter. 

And I made paper flowers. LOTS of paper flowers. Those flowers were my project.  My distraction.  My touchstone.  My therapy.  I made them and made them.  As my belly grew bigger and I had to stand further away from the table, I made them.  I don’t know how many flowers are up on that tree.  All I know is that every single one of them was very thoughtfully and carefully made just for Vallyn with immeasurable love.

Each flower on that wall represents a tear, a fear, a hope, a smile, a wish, a dream, and a prayer.  With every flower I made, I drew closer to the moment I would get to meet my daughter.  To see her with my eyes.  To hold her in my arms.  To tell her how much I love her.  To hear her sweet baby noises and cooing and eventually her talking and giggles and laughs.  To give her all the hugs I had been storing up and longing to give her for months.  To smother her with kisses until she was old enough to beg me to stop, and then continue to do it anyway. 

And tonight, in the wee small hours of the morning, as I watched her face while she looked around and took it all in (like she always does when she sees her tree), I began to cry. Tears of joy. Of relief. Of thankfulness. Of happiness.  Of gratitude.  Of pure unadulterated love.   I was simply overcome. 

Because I remember so well how I felt when she was still inside my belly.  The waiting.  The wondering.  The fear.  The excitement.  The anticipation.  And the closeness I felt with her was incredible and just between us and I will always cherish it.  But it can’t hold a candle to the feel of her actually being in my arms.  Or how wonderful and amazing and awesome it is to finally be able to see and hold and talk to and hear and hug and kiss Vallyn. 

Or how incredibly blessed I feel that we were given this perfect gift of her.

Or how I am so so very thankful that every day is now “Vallyn-tines” Day.

Sleep well, my funny, sweet, little love bug.  I hope to join you in Dreamland soon…

                                        

Psalm 4:8

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

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If you are interested, check out these things we love for bedtime:

Scripture Lullabies:  http://www.scripture-lullabies.com/

Baby Merlin’s Magic Sleep Suit:  http://www.magicsleepsuit.com/

The Woombie Sleep Sack:  https://www.woombie.com/