Outside…

Today was a beautiful day in Colorado.  After a bitterly cold weekend and Monday, it has warmed up and was a balmy 50ish and sunny today.  So I decided to pack up Vallyn and the dogs and head outside for a walk.

I also decided to see if our neighbor a couple of blocks away might be home.

See, when I was pregnant last spring and walking a lot, one day I walked by this gentleman’s house.  Out in his yard were beautiful tulips.  There were a bunch of purple ones, and right in the middle was a lovely pale pink one.  Just the one.  And it somehow looked more glowing and fresher and alive than the others, like it just had a little something extra inside.

And I remembered a friend of mine who had told me about the tulips in her yard.  That smack in the middle of her yellow ones a bright red one bloomed.  And she said that every time she saw it, she thought about Vallyn.  Because Vallyn was like that red tulip.  That she would stand out from others because she was the same, yet different, and just as beautiful as the others if not more so.

So I went and knocked on this neighbors door and asked if I could take a picture of his lovely tulips to put in my little girls room.  He was very kind, and so was his wife.  They asked about us and her and said of course come take a photo any time you like, and even showed me the rest of their impressive garden in the back yard.  And he said please come back and let us meet your little girl after she arrives.

I did get a picture I liked (after quite a few attempts!).  And I matted and framed it and around it put the words “One of a Kind”.  And I hung it in Vallyn’s room even before she arrived.   

So today I packed us all up, and I took that picture off the wall and put it under the stroller in hopes that my neighbor would be home.  I was so excited when I saw his car in front of the house.  I had meant to come see him for many months.  But first Vallyn was so fragile, then there were fires and horrible air quality so we didn’t go walking, then it was just so darn hot, then I was just so darn lazy.  Finally, we were walking by at the same time he was home.

I knocked on the door, and he came and answered it.  I said “I don’t know if you remember me, I was very pregnant the last time you saw me.”  And a smile spread over his face and he said “Oh yes, of course!  You took pictures of our tulips.” 

So I showed him the picture.  And introduced him to Vallyn.  And the dogs.  And we chatted a bit.  And he loved the picture and meeting Vallyn.  And as we said our goodbyes, he said “Please stop by again sometime.”

And we definitely will.

Because being pregnant with Vallyn and having Vallyn has made me open up in a way I didn’t think I ever would.  Most people who know me well would probably be surprised to learn that I am actually rather shy.  I feel awkward meeting new people and don’t feel comfortable putting myself out there.  And I certainly was never someone to go knocking on a total strangers door and ask if I could take a picture of their flowers.  Or someone that would have a conversation in a line at the grocery store.  Or contact people I’ve not been great about keeping in touch with.  Or not be afraid to ask tough questions.  Or speak up about wanting a different doctor for my daughter.  Or ask for help.

Or write a blog.

But here I am.  Because of Vallyn, and what she needs, and what I need, I am learning to step outside of myself in new ways.  Tonight I even went to a Mom’s Group for moms of children with Down Syndrome.  And I was nervous.  But wow - did I have a great time.  And I look forward to seeing those women again.

Today’s miracle?  Well, that the dogs didn’t bark their heads off and scare my neighbor right back into his house.  But really, that I was able to see how far I’ve come in this area.  And how important it is.  Because living life closed off is not living.  And human connections and shared experiences are a big and important part of life and love.

So thank you, Vallyn, for your little something extra inside – a little something that has made me live more outside.  I love you my sweet girl.

(She did manage to open her eyes to say hello to our neighbor!)